How Co-Parenting a Teenager is Different from a Younger Child
Divorce is virtually always difficult, even in the friendliest divorce. Since most divorces are less than friendly, this means the allocation of parental responsibilities may be equally unfriendly. Even so, most parents learn to work together and find a way to co-parent their child, regardless of the difficulties involved.
Unfortunately, even parents who generally get along well after the divorce and have done a good job as co-parents while the children were younger may be left reeling from a teenager whose only goal seems to be to divide and conquer. In the context of parenting, the divide and conquer approach refers to a teen’s ability to play his or her parents against one another in an attempt to get exactly what he or she wants.
Parents who are not one hundred percent in sync can hit some serious bumps in the parenting roadway when a teenager is involved. Now more than ever, it is essential that parents work together to ensure they are always on the same page and, hopefully, one step ahead of their teen. If you and your ex are having difficulties parenting your teen, speaking to an experienced Bloomingdale, IL family law attorney can be helpful.
Working Together in the Best Interests of Your Teenager
If you and your ex have been largely successful in parenting your child or children, teenagers are an entirely different situation. And if you and your ex have been at one another’s throats throughout your co-parenting experience, then now is the time to buckle up and do your best to ready yourself for co-parenting in the teen years. Below are some issues to consider as you work with your ex in the best interests of your teenager.
Communication is Everything
Whether your child is younger or a teen, you do have to occasionally speak to your ex. While you do not necessarily have to be buddies to co-parent, learning to communicate with one another is a virtual necessity for co-parents. That being said, there will always be challenges associated with co-parenting.
There will be schedule changes, sick children, sick parents, work emergencies, school schedules to work around, and extracurricular activities – just to name a few. If your relationship with your ex is less than cordial, do your best to keep all texts, emails, and conversations neutral and focused on the issue at hand. To the extent possible, communicate without blaming or being rude.
Ensure You Are Ready for the Teenage Years
When your child turns into a teen, you will confront a whole new array of issues, including dating, makeup, friends, curfews, employment, driving, social media, and college applications. If your teen is a daughter who wants to start wearing heavy makeup at age 13, you and your ex need to discuss this issue ahead of time and deliver the news together.
If your teen has a curfew of 9:00 p.m. on school nights at your house, but your ex lets him stay out until 1:00, you have a problem. You also have a teen who will soon learn that the rules are relaxed at one parent’s home and will immediately take advantage of the situation. You will also need to create realistic expectations for grades and schoolwork for your teen and decide which battles you are willing to fight regarding clothing, hairstyles, social media use, and cell phone use.
Serious issues like skipping school, using drugs, smoking, or drinking demand an immediate, unified response from you and your ex. If your teen is having issues with friends or activities, you and your ex need to determine when one or both of you should step in. Most importantly, do your level best to keep your teen from playing you and your ex against one another.
Contact a DuPage County, IL Parental Responsibilities Lawyer
Parenting teens is almost always challenging but parenting as a divorced couple can be much more so. When you have a skilled Naperville, IL parental responsibilities attorney from Mevorah & Giglio Law Offices by your side, the issue can go more smoothly. We are a large law firm with more than 175 years of combined experience, frequent communication, and highly client-focused service. Call 630-932-9100 to schedule your free consultation.