For divorcing couples interested in resolving their divorce amicably and with minimal involvement of the court, mediation is often a viable method of alternative dispute resolution. Even in a contested divorce, the court will sometimes order the spouses to attempt mediation to resolve some of their agreements. Whether you are preparing for mediation voluntarily or by court order, it is important to know what to expect, including whether it is a good idea to hire an attorney for the process.

Mediators and Attorneys Play Different Roles

In mediation, you and your spouse will meet with a trained mediator who will help you reach an agreement on the various aspects of your divorce resolution, including property division, spousal support, child support, and the allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time. Many mediators are also licensed attorneys who have a thorough understanding of the laws governing divorce proceedings in Illinois. However, their role in the mediation process is not to provide legal advice or advocate on behalf of either party. Rather, they must remain neutral and impartial, helping the parties identify common ground and make progress toward an agreement on their own terms.

A divorce attorney, on the other hand, is a representative for one of the parties. If you hire an attorney, they represent you alone. Their role is to advocate for you and your interests throughout the divorce process, whether in amicable negotiations or contested litigation. Your attorney can also provide you with qualified legal advice and help you fulfill all legal requirements to finalize your divorce. Importantly, an attorney cannot represent both spouses even in an uncontested divorce, as this would create a conflict of interest.

Even under the very best of circumstances, the divorce experience can take a significant psychological toll on everyone involved. The emotional effects of the end of a marriage can become even more complicated when the divorcing couple shares children, as children can be especially sensitive to the overwhelming changes to their household and lifestyle.

Sadly, in cases of a contentious divorce, the conditions can sometimes turn toxic as parents succumb to parental alienation syndrome. This occurs when one parent turns the children against the other parent. This syndrome morphs into a pattern of habitual parent-child relationship sabotage, often resulting in short and long-term psychological damage to the kids.

For those going through a divorce, the process of ending a marriage can all too often create a sense of tunnel vision. Due to the mental strain and the waves of emotion that come with this major life change, people tend to focus only on the immediate needs in front of them during such a time, like making it through the legal paperwork or court proceedings. Other priorities may also capture a person's attention in the midst of handling the technical details, from creating parenting plans and making new living arrangements to possibly relocating.

The Decision to Get a Divorce Is Only the Beginning

From the moment you and your spouse decide to end your relationship, the task of pursuing a divorce can be overwhelming, even when the decision is an amicable one. Sadly, calling it quits is just the beginning when it comes to moving forward. Once you make it through the actual divorce process, rebuilding your life piece by piece is a challenge, but it can also be an opportunity for positive growth and healthy changes. The key is to strategize and put a game plan in place for yourself so that you have a sense of direction and clarity following the end of your marriage.

Creating a Game Plan

You can prepare for a happy, healthy life after your divorce by starting with these four steps:

When considering divorce, people are often concerned about two main points: the disruption that they and their children will experience in their lives and how much the divorce will cost. While one cannot overlook or discount the emotional pain that comes with the end of a marriage, financial issues can also be an important components of a divorce case. The costs involved in a divorce can vary significantly depending on the situation and the couple involved. Many circumstances, such as difficulties with the division of assets, can increase the overall cost of a divorce. Contentious divorces typically cost more than amicable ones. In short, couples who are concerned about the cost of divorce are encouraged to look for ways and opportunities to minimize their expenses.

Litigation Versus Negotiation

One of the biggest factors that can be controlled in a divorce is the choice to resolve issues as amicably as possible. Divorces that are litigated in the courtroom tend to be more costly than those that are negotiated, but even a mediated divorce can become quite pricey - especially if the negotiation process does not work out. However, in most cases, couples can reduce the costs of divorce by negotiating a settlement outside of the courtroom.

Dividing Marital Assets

During divorce, spouses must divide their assets and belongings according to what is considered “fair and equitable.” Of course, the idea of what is fair can be subjective. What one spouse might consider equitable may seem disproportionate to another - particularly if one spouse chose to stay home to care for the couple's children or suffered from health-related issues that kept them out of the workplace. This is just one example of why it is important to have an attorney who can protect your interests in the division of marital assets.

A study conducted by the National Survey of Family Growth reported that 48 percent of marriages dissolve by the 20-year milestone, and 20 percent of first marriages dissolve within five years after the wedding day. Although these kinds of statistics are grim, divorce does not have to be emotionally devastating. In fact, many couples manage to separate in a healthy way. If you and your spouse are seeking an amicable divorce, the following tips can help throughout the process:  

1. Focus on Communication and Collaboration

Many couples struggle throughout the divorce process, because they cannot put their emotions aside for an extended period of time. You have a better chance of avoiding this issue when you take a proactive approach. The best course of action is to be prepared for the inevitable waves of emotion that can surface from the situation. Whenever you are caught in the heat of the moment and feel the urge to lash out, or if you are resistant to suggestions made by your spouse because you want to “win” the case, remind yourself that fighting only delays the process for everyone. Collaboration and effective communication can help facilitate a smoother separation and can reduce the overall amount of time you spend in the legal process.

2. Safeguard the Interests of Your Children

If you share children with your spouse, it is important that you both work to protect their best interests. Stay involved in your children’s lives, give them time and space to express their emotions, and above all, never get in the way of their relationship with your ex-spouse. Your children need and deserve the love of both their parents, especially in the midst of a divorce.