Even under the very best of circumstances, the divorce experience can take a significant psychological toll on everyone involved. The emotional effects of the end of a marriage can become even more complicated when the divorcing couple shares children, as children can be especially sensitive to the overwhelming changes to their household and lifestyle.

Sadly, in cases of a contentious divorce, the conditions can sometimes turn toxic as parents succumb to parental alienation syndrome. This occurs when one parent turns the children against the other parent. This syndrome morphs into a pattern of habitual parent-child relationship sabotage, often resulting in short and long-term psychological damage to the kids.

For those going through a divorce, the process of ending a marriage can all too often create a sense of tunnel vision. Due to the mental strain and the waves of emotion that come with this major life change, people tend to focus only on the immediate needs in front of them during such a time, like making it through the legal paperwork or court proceedings. Other priorities may also capture a person's attention in the midst of handling the technical details, from creating parenting plans and making new living arrangements to possibly relocating.

The Decision to Get a Divorce Is Only the Beginning

From the moment you and your spouse decide to end your relationship, the task of pursuing a divorce can be overwhelming, even when the decision is an amicable one. Sadly, calling it quits is just the beginning when it comes to moving forward. Once you make it through the actual divorce process, rebuilding your life piece by piece is a challenge, but it can also be an opportunity for positive growth and healthy changes. The key is to strategize and put a game plan in place for yourself so that you have a sense of direction and clarity following the end of your marriage.

Creating a Game Plan

You can prepare for a happy, healthy life after your divorce by starting with these four steps:

When considering divorce, people are often concerned about two main points: the disruption that they and their children will experience in their lives and how much the divorce will cost. While one cannot overlook or discount the emotional pain that comes with the end of a marriage, financial issues can also be an important components of a divorce case. The costs involved in a divorce can vary significantly depending on the situation and the couple involved. Many circumstances, such as difficulties with the division of assets, can increase the overall cost of a divorce. Contentious divorces typically cost more than amicable ones. In short, couples who are concerned about the cost of divorce are encouraged to look for ways and opportunities to minimize their expenses.

Litigation Versus Negotiation

One of the biggest factors that can be controlled in a divorce is the choice to resolve issues as amicably as possible. Divorces that are litigated in the courtroom tend to be more costly than those that are negotiated, but even a mediated divorce can become quite pricey - especially if the negotiation process does not work out. However, in most cases, couples can reduce the costs of divorce by negotiating a settlement outside of the courtroom.

Dividing Marital Assets

During divorce, spouses must divide their assets and belongings according to what is considered “fair and equitable.” Of course, the idea of what is fair can be subjective. What one spouse might consider equitable may seem disproportionate to another - particularly if one spouse chose to stay home to care for the couple's children or suffered from health-related issues that kept them out of the workplace. This is just one example of why it is important to have an attorney who can protect your interests in the division of marital assets.

A study conducted by the National Survey of Family Growth reported that 48 percent of marriages dissolve by the 20-year milestone, and 20 percent of first marriages dissolve within five years after the wedding day. Although these kinds of statistics are grim, divorce does not have to be emotionally devastating. In fact, many couples manage to separate in a healthy way. If you and your spouse are seeking an amicable divorce, the following tips can help throughout the process:  

1. Focus on Communication and Collaboration

Many couples struggle throughout the divorce process, because they cannot put their emotions aside for an extended period of time. You have a better chance of avoiding this issue when you take a proactive approach. The best course of action is to be prepared for the inevitable waves of emotion that can surface from the situation. Whenever you are caught in the heat of the moment and feel the urge to lash out, or if you are resistant to suggestions made by your spouse because you want to “win” the case, remind yourself that fighting only delays the process for everyone. Collaboration and effective communication can help facilitate a smoother separation and can reduce the overall amount of time you spend in the legal process.

2. Safeguard the Interests of Your Children

If you share children with your spouse, it is important that you both work to protect their best interests. Stay involved in your children’s lives, give them time and space to express their emotions, and above all, never get in the way of their relationship with your ex-spouse. Your children need and deserve the love of both their parents, especially in the midst of a divorce.

Despite the misconception that divorce is often a hastily-made decision, many couples will go to extreme lengths to avoid ending their marriage. They go to therapy, attend marriage counseling, or supplement their efforts with anger management or parenting classes. Unfortunately, despite these efforts, couples must sometimes come to terms with the fact that divorce is their best option. While each situation is unique, there are some common threads between couples who eventually do call it quits.

Painful Conflicts That Often Lead to Divorce

For many couples, efforts to resolve marital problems may ultimately prove futile. In marriages involving the following issues, couples may feel that it would be best for everyone involved to end the marriage and get divorced:

• Abuse - When one spouse has inflicted physical, emotional, or financial harm on the other, this can be difficult to overcome in a marriage. Trust is broken, and the relationship may never recover. Even if an abusive spouse receives therapy or a couple works with a marriage counselor, it can be easy to fall back into old habits. In these cases, it can be difficult (if not outright impossible) to repair a relationship. Under these circumstances, divorce may be the most appropriate path to ensure the safety and well-being of all involved parties.

  ...