Just like every couple, every divorce is unique. Some couples struggle to make it through the proceedings without arguing over every subject, while others manage to work together to create their divorce agreement. The way that the divorce proceedings are handled is not necessarily reflective of the quality of the divorcing couple’s relationship, but more telling of their communication skills. Divorce is bound to be an emotional and difficult life experience to go through and everyone responds to these feelings in their own way. Not all divorces require court intervention, and there are a few alternative dispute resolution options available to you and your spouse if you are planning on divorcing.

Divorce Mediation

Some divorcing couples have excellent communication skills and think it would be best to work together to create their divorce agreement. For those who are able to compromise when necessary and work through any disputes without court intervention, divorce mediation may be a good option. In mediation, a couple creates a divorce agreement with the help of a third-party mediator. The mediator does not act as either party’s attorney or legal representative, though many mediators are also attorneys. This neutral third party will provide suggestions to the couple and keep them on task, resolving any minor disagreements that may arise throughout the process. Mediation allows the couple to have complete control over their divorce agreement, including any determinations regarding property division, spousal maintenance payments, child custody arrangements, and more.

Collaborative Divorce

This is the another common type of divorce proceeding that couples pursue, allowing each spouse to have their own legal representative while still negotiating with their former spouse. In a collaborative divorce, the spouses will meet with their prospective attorneys, outside of court, to come to a settlement on the various terms of their divorce agreement. This type of divorce ensures that each party’s needs are being advocated for by their own attorney while also keeping the decisions out of the hands of a judge. Divorce mediation can sometimes lead to one spouse taking advantage of the other by suggesting terms that they know are unfair or by using their relationship dynamic, with one spouse holding more decision-making authority than the other, for their benefit. Collaborative divorce avoids these possibilities, though the spouses may be best to seek an alternative route if they are still unable to come up with a settlement on their agreement.

Similar to other kinds of losses, a divorce never looks or feels exactly the same for every person. We all grieve and process that grief differently, and because the divorce experience can vary in complexity depending on the circumstances of a given relationship, the journey can be especially unique and challenging to navigate. Emotional setbacks throughout a divorce are common and to be expected, regardless of your circumstances. The key to having victory over those setbacks and keeping them from controlling you begins with having coping strategies in your arsenal when times get tough.

Conquering the Tide of Discouragement

Thankfully, there have been countless studies on the psychological ramifications of divorce and the most effective ways to manage the stress, disappointment, and setbacks they entail. Psychologists recommend the following to heal, stay positive, and move forward, despite the emotional roadblocks you may experience along the way:

1. Stop Beating Yourself Up - Whether you lose your temper in front of your children, snap at your ex-spouse, or are struggling with a depressed mood, it is important to be patient with yourself and remember that you will have good days and bad days as you adjust to the effects of divorce. Make self-care a priority: Eat well, get enough sleep, and exercise daily. Avoid ruminating on your mistakes, which hold you hostage in the past. If you are stuck in a negative thought cycle where you are continually punishing yourself, speak with a counselor or other mental health professional who can help equip you with the tools you need to break this counterproductive pattern of thinking.

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Divorce is often viewed as a tumultuous process, but this is not always the case. In fact, some couples still value their bond and prefer to end things peacefully. Others recognize that fighting increases the financial and emotional costs for everyone involved. In these situations, parties may opt to pursue alternative dispute resolution over a litigated divorce. However, this path may not be right for every couple, and litigation may be the only way to successfully finalize a divorce.

Mediation or Litigation?

If you are considering using mediation during your divorce, it is important to know that victims of any form of abuse (mental, physical, or financial) are generally encouraged to lean towards litigation instead, as it tends to offer greater protection throughout the divorce process. Litigation is also preferred when there is suspicion of hidden assets. However, contention or disputes between the parties do not mean that a couple cannot pursue alternative dispute resolution; if anything, this particular divorce path may offer some benefits for couples, as long as both parties are at willing to bring their concerns and disagreements to the table in a civil manner. Both parties are encouraged to work together and reach a compromise on sensitive matters, like the division of assets and the creation of a parenting plan. The goal is to make sure that each party walks away with at least some of what they want and a fair portion of what they deserve.

Points to Consider When Determining Whether Mediation Is the Right Solution for Your Divorce

You should ask yourself the following questions when trying to determine which path is best for you:

Whether you find yourself in the early stages of the divorce process, have just recently made the mutual decision with your spouse to end your marriage, or are in the middle of litigation proceedings, divorce-related stress can be all-consuming. The difficult decision to say goodbye to your marriage can quickly take a toll on you emotionally, mentally, and even physically. Familiarizing yourself with healthy, constructive coping skills is crucial to manage divorce stress and keep it from negatively affecting your health in both the short and long term.

Key Coping Skills for Managing Stress

Even couples who divorce amicably and civilly must work at balancing the emotional effects of such a big life change. Keep the following tips in mind to better cope with common divorce anxieties:

1. Put yourself first - Chances are, you have heard self-help experts stress the value and importance of self-care during times of major life changes, including divorce. These recommendations exist for a reason — they work. Mental health experts remind us that maintaining our routines as much as possible is actually a part of self-care, particularly when it comes to maintaining daily exercise, sleep patterns, or lunch dates with friends. Another way to make self-care a priority is to give yourself permission to take breaks, invest your time and energy in activities that bring you joy, and share your time with others, such as involving yourself in a volunteer effort.

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Informing your children of your impending divorce is likely one of the most difficult tasks you will face as you make the transition from married to single parent. Since the divorce process is unique to each family, there is only so much you can control as you navigate this difficult journey. No one knows your children or understands the bond you share as a family better than you. Delivering the news is never easy, but according to psychology experts, a premeditated conversation can create the opportunity for a smoother, less stressful experience for everyone involved.

Set the Stage 

Psychologists emphasize that learning of their parents’ divorce is something that a child will always remember. How you handle the conversation can have a lasting impact on your children’s perception of their long-term family life, and it can also affect how they take the news in the immediate, short term. You will likely want to approach this matter with delicacy, but you can also use the conversation as a chance to reassure your children that you will always be there for them and let them know about some positive changes they may be experiencing.

Tips for Discussing Divorce With Children

Being open and honest with your children while discussing your divorce in an age-appropriate manner can help the conversation proceed more smoothly. The following tips can help ensure that your children will understand what to expect as you go through the divorce process: