Similar to other kinds of losses, a divorce never looks or feels exactly the same for every person. We all grieve and process that grief differently, and because the divorce experience can vary in complexity depending on the circumstances of a given relationship, the journey can be especially unique and challenging to navigate. Emotional setbacks throughout a divorce are common and to be expected, regardless of your circumstances. The key to having victory over those setbacks and keeping them from controlling you begins with having coping strategies in your arsenal when times get tough.

Conquering the Tide of Discouragement

Thankfully, there have been countless studies on the psychological ramifications of divorce and the most effective ways to manage the stress, disappointment, and setbacks they entail. Psychologists recommend the following to heal, stay positive, and move forward, despite the emotional roadblocks you may experience along the way:

1. Stop Beating Yourself Up - Whether you lose your temper in front of your children, snap at your ex-spouse, or are struggling with a depressed mood, it is important to be patient with yourself and remember that you will have good days and bad days as you adjust to the effects of divorce. Make self-care a priority: Eat well, get enough sleep, and exercise daily. Avoid ruminating on your mistakes, which hold you hostage in the past. If you are stuck in a negative thought cycle where you are continually punishing yourself, speak with a counselor or other mental health professional who can help equip you with the tools you need to break this counterproductive pattern of thinking.

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Among the many concerns divorcing parents have throughout the process of ending their marriage, establishing a solid parenting plan that equips them to effectively care for their children after the separation is often the most worrisome. This is particularly true for those experiencing a contentious divorce, as relationships with more tension tend to lead to major disagreements, especially when it comes to sensitive subjects like custody and parenting arrangements. However, creating a fair, realistic parenting plan that supports your children’s health and well-being is possible as long as you are able to keep things in perspective in the midst of your divorce.

Acting on Behalf of Your Children’s Best Interests

Checking in with yourself is key as you begin to work on constructing a parenting plan during your divorce. Here are three ways to help you determine whether or not your parenting plan arrangements truly have your children’s best interests at heart:

1. Are you tuning into your emotions? - Even if your split is mostly amicable and you are able to communicate with the other parent civilly and respectfully, it is important to be aware that emotions can be deceiving, even under the very best of circumstances. Whether you harbor hostile feelings toward your ex-partner or not, feelings of grief and loss are common and inevitable parts of the divorce experience. It is not unusual for parents to make requests, demands, or modifications to a parenting plan when they are feeling vulnerable, resentful, or out of control. Ask yourself if the decisions you are making during the parenting plan agreement process are based on how you are currently feeling about your spouse and the end of the marriage, or if they reflect a genuine concern for how the arrangements will affect your children.
2. Have you asked your children what they need? - Divorce psychology experts tell us that protection and autonomy are two primary needs that children have during a divorce. While both younger children and teens may have a difficult time articulating what they need from you during and after the separation, it is helpful to encourage them to communicate with you and ask them outright what you can do to help them get through this tough time. Psychologists emphasize that this does not mean parents should necessarily allow children to choose their new living arrangements or make other major decisions. This can be detrimental to their growth and mental health, and many are not mature enough to make such decisions. However, it is important to find out what they need, from their own point of view. This in turn can help you make the decisions for them, based on what you believe is best for them in the long run.
3. Are you providing structure? - Kids also need a sense of structure throughout the divorce. Children rely on some sense of order to feel safe and free of anxiety. Review your parenting plan and ask yourself if the arrangements you are proposing offer your kids predictable, reliable routines they can count on. Children of all ages thrive on stability, and they need to know they will live in an environment that is nurturing and supportive, regardless of how their parents feel about one another.

Contact a DuPage County Divorce Lawyer

Drafting a perfect parenting plan is easier said than done. You may find that last-minute changes are necessary, and you may need to make further modifications if you discover over time that your original guidelines are problematic for the whole family. Wherever you are on the divorce journey, a competent Lombard, IL parenting plan attorney can help you finalize a plan that meets you and your children's needs. Speak with our knowledgeable team at Mevorah Law Offices LLC by calling us today at 630-755-6426. 

Whether you ask a neighbor who is divorced or a financial expert who specializes in this area, they will tell you one thing for certain: Nothing turns your financial life upside down quite like a divorce. Even those who live very modestly, with little to no sizable assets, can expect some level of financial upheaval. You may be searching for a new place to call home, or struggling to find a way to afford the home you currently live in, all while doing so without your ex’s financial help. All too often, divorcees see a major portion of their savings and income go right out the door once the divorce is underway, as settlements take root and assets are divided.

Add any debts that you have accumulated during – or since the end of – the marriage, and suddenly your financial life might appear to be in shambles. As grim as this can seem, there is always hope for a better, brighter financial future, especially when we educate ourselves and are open and willing to make changes moving forward.

There are few major life events that will wreak more havoc on one’s mental health than divorce. Divorce is another kind of loss that involves a grieving process that is unique to everyone, as every situation has different circumstances. Even couples who decide to split amicably, with little contention, will experience some level of grief as they say goodbye to one relationship dynamic and learn to adapt to a new one. Stress levels can quickly escalate, especially when the circumstances are particularly distressing or the process itself is taking place amidst other major changes, such as adjusting to life during the current virus pandemic.

Whether you are in the beginning stages of the divorce process or are nearing the finish line, research shows that ongoing stress can affect both your physical and mental health. There are numerous techniques for managing the stress that our bodies and minds undergo during a divorce, but the key is to utilize positive techniques instead of negative coping mechanisms, as managing stress in negative ways can take even more of a toll on our overall health.

Expert Recommendations for Dealing with Tough Emotions During Divorce

A resounding opinion among family therapists is that liberating yourself from the mental prison of divorce is one of the best approaches to working through the pain in a healthy way. Letting go of negative emotions instead of bottling them up can be done in many different, constructive ways. The idea is to get your mind and body moving, instead of dwelling on your feelings. Psychology experts recommend the following to manage stress throughout the divorce process:

While it is true that the effects of divorce vary from person to person and family to family, psychology experts reveal that certain circumstances, such as the environment created by a contentious divorce, can be particularly detrimental. This is especially true for children, and high levels of conflict between parents can affect their development. Having a positive co-parenting strategy in place as you move throughout the divorce process can make a big difference when it comes to your child’s mental health. However, for many couples, it is not always easy to enforce such a plan when the relationship is a contentious one.

Negative Effects of Divorce on Kids and What You Can Do to Help

It can be difficult for parents to face the reality of the negative impact of divorce on their kids, but the good news is that studies show that healthy co-parenting cannot only help your kids, but it can help you too. When parents attempt to collaborate peacefully during their divorce, this will lessen their child’s distress, and it can reduce stress for parents as well. Here are some major ways that a high-conflict divorce can impact your child and what you can do to ease the burden:

1. Unhealthy Coping Strategies - Many children of contentious divorces are more prone to anxiety disorders and depression, and these issues commonly lead to an array of unhealthy coping strategies, such as substance abuse. Unhealthy coping skills can continue to be a crutch when a child reaches adulthood, especially if your child is not familiar with healthy coping mechanisms. Experts tell us that even if the other parent is not making an effort to reduce conflict in the divorce, efforts by one parent are still helpful for the child. If you are unable to show your kids healthy ways to cope with their emotions during your divorce, you can provide other means of support for them, such as meeting regularly with a therapist.
2. Relationship Troubles - Children who witness high-conflict divorces often end up having strained relationships with both parents, and this can sometimes spill over into their other personal relationships, including those with friends or extended family members. Children may avoid social contact, lash out, or mimic their parents’ behavior, including displays of anger and frustration. Limiting how often you allow your child to be present when you interact with your spouse can be helpful, and encouraging your child to communicate with you about how they are feeling is also important. Finally, do not forget to show them your full attention, and be sure to listen when they want to talk.
3. Delays in Emotional Development - Pent up emotions, along with the trauma that can occur when children see their parents frequently arguing, can cause long-term difficulties with emotional development. These delayed adjustments may follow your child as they get older and affect their adult relationships as well. They may experience difficulty concentrating, academic problems, and intimacy issues, and they may have trouble adjusting to new relationships or maintaining healthy boundaries. To combat these issues and help your child adjust during divorce, avoid speaking poorly about the other parent in front of them, and do not make them feel as if they must pick a side. Avoid doing anything that puts them in the middle of conflict between parents, such as asking them to send messages to their other parent.

Contact Our St. Charles Divorce Attorneys

Being civil with your spouse while going through a divorce may feel impossible at times, but it is worth making the effort for everyone involved. If you are unable to communicate peacefully despite your best efforts, a knowledgeable Bloomingdale divorce attorney can offer the professional guidance and advice you need to move forward and ensure your rights are protected throughout the process. Speak with our dedicated team at Mevorah Law Offices LLC by calling 630-755-6426 and scheduling a free, personal consultation today.