Just as every relationship and marriage is unique, so too is every divorce. While some couples may choose to split amicably, with almost no signs of contention, others may struggle with hostility, arguments, and conflict. In some cases, people may be floored by the vengeful nature of their soon to be ex-spouse. Thankfully, there is a solution for every situation, and it is important to understand which divorce option may be best for you.

Mediation Versus Litigation

There are two basic ways to handle a divorce: mediation or litigation. Mediation (a common form of alternative dispute resolution) is a process in which the parties attempt to come to an agreement regarding the details of their divorce. A third-party mediator will work as a non-biased facilitator who will not make decisions for the spouses, but who will guide them toward reaching a compromise on any outstanding legal issues they need to address. While a mediator may help the parties understand how the law applies to their situation, they will typically not offer legal advice. For this reason, even when using mediation, you should hire your own divorce attorney who can explain your rights and ensure that your divorce settlement will meet your needs.

Litigation is the more “traditional” divorce route, as it involves the parties going to court and pleading their case before a judge. Both sides will have a chance to argue for why their wishes should be followed regarding issues such as property division or child custody. The judge will then make a ruling, determining how to resolve financial issues in a fair and equitable manner and deciding child-related issues based on what is in children's best interests. Whatever the decision may be, each party must abide by the ruling. Either party may file an appeal if they believe that errors were made during the divorce trial that resulted in an unjust judgment.

Informing your children of your impending divorce is likely one of the most difficult tasks you will face as you make the transition from married to single parent. Since the divorce process is unique to each family, there is only so much you can control as you navigate this difficult journey. No one knows your children or understands the bond you share as a family better than you. Delivering the news is never easy, but according to psychology experts, a premeditated conversation can create the opportunity for a smoother, less stressful experience for everyone involved.

Set the Stage 

Psychologists emphasize that learning of their parents’ divorce is something that a child will always remember. How you handle the conversation can have a lasting impact on your children’s perception of their long-term family life, and it can also affect how they take the news in the immediate, short term. You will likely want to approach this matter with delicacy, but you can also use the conversation as a chance to reassure your children that you will always be there for them and let them know about some positive changes they may be experiencing.

Tips for Discussing Divorce With Children

Being open and honest with your children while discussing your divorce in an age-appropriate manner can help the conversation proceed more smoothly. The following tips can help ensure that your children will understand what to expect as you go through the divorce process:

Time and time again, we hear about the many different factors that can contribute and ultimately lead to a divorce. While certain red flags have proven to be important in predicting the outcome of a marriage, identifying the qualities in a relationship that can boost the chances of success are just as crucial. Although the aspects that support and strengthen the bond of a life-long partnership may not prevent a divorce that is already in motion, knowing what to look for may help avoid one in the future.

Qualities that a Married Couple Should try to Possess

Marriage is a partnership that requires hard work and dedication from both spouses. If the aspects listed below are present in your relationship, experts believe you have a higher chance of experiencing a healthy, lasting marriage:

• A safe-zone dynamic - It is no surprise that a key quality in every healthy relationship is a mutual sense of trust, but studies suggest that this can mean several different things in a lasting marriage. Not only do partners need to have faith in one another on a basic level, but husbands and wives should also be able to confide with each other and be themselves. Spouses who feel a sense of refuge in their relationship are more likely to experience a stronger marriage.

• A balance between team identity and independence - The American Psychological Association (APA) states that couples who can work together as a team and build a sense of togetherness while maintaining their own individual identities often experience longer-lasting marriages. In addition, research also shows that it is important for couples to have some emotional distance from the family that they knew growing up, in order to separate their identity from their parents and siblings.

• The establishment and protection of intimacy - Experts say that creating and protecting your intimacy is crucial in preserving the quality and longevity of your marriage. Whether you have limited alone time as a couple due to the responsibilities of parenthood, or you struggle with intrusive family or work obligations, anything that threatens the privacy you share as a couple, especially when it is consistent over a prolonged period of time, can erode your affection and damage your sense of partnership. Like anything else in life, finding balance within your marriage is imperative to protect the bond you share.

Contact a Lombard, IL Divorce Lawyer

While there is no specific key that guarantees a successful marriage, research continues to show that the possibility of divorce is less likely for couples who cultivate and maintain certain qualities within their relationship. If you are currently pondering the possibility of divorce and feel it may be in the best interests of both parties, it is time to consult a dedicated and experienced Naperville divorce attorney. At Mevorah Law Offices, LLC, we understand the emotional conflicts that come with such a difficult decision, and we are here to guide you through the legal process. Call us today at 630-932-9100 to schedule your free consultation.

The divorce journey is just as much a psychological process as it is a legal one. Interactions between both parties are often emotionally charged, no matter how amicable the decision to end the marriage may be. If you are fortunate enough to be on good terms with your spouse as you proceed with your divorce, you can have some significant advantages as you move forward with the experience. Ending a marriage is always painful to some degree and is certainly never easy, but an uncontested divorce under any circumstances is always preferable over a contested one.

Divorcing Amicably

In an uncontested divorce, both parties are cooperative, and neither is resisting or fighting against the dissolution of marriage. There are no major disagreements, and any arguments that do arise are typically easy to resolve, since each spouse is concerned with making decisions that support the best interests of both parties. If you are able to find and keep some common ground with your spouse as you begin the divorce proceedings, you may discover the following advantages:

• You can maintain the peace - Divorce by its very nature takes a toll on our mental health. The American Psychological Association (APA) stresses that it is more important than ever during such a divorce transition to take care of yourself by getting enough rest, eating nutritiously, and utilizing your support systems. Uncontested divorce cases that involve cooperation and peaceful mediation can be less stressful in both the short and long term. Maintaining the peace pays off even more so when children are involved. 

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A vast number of studies and a seemingly endless sea of family psychology experts assert that money is one of the biggest points of conflict in marriages, and it is often a root cause of divorce. Experts say that if you are not careful, financial difficulties throughout the course of your relationship can ultimately lead to the end of your marriage, and these difficulties have the power to severely divide a couple and bring forth residual waves of resentment that linger long after the marriage is over. 

Financial Troubles That Often Cause Divorce

A resounding opinion from many marriage experts is that the key is that spouses should assess and discuss each other’s attitude about money in the very beginning stages of a relationship, in order to prevent bigger problems down the road. For some couples, however, it is too late for that initial discussion, and they are forced to deal with the damage after it happens. Whether you are in the beginning stages of your marriage and wish to avoid money-related drama down the road or have been married for years and are just now realizing the major financial flaws in your relationship, chances are one of the following common financial areas is responsible for the conflict:

• Wedding extravagance - Unless they have thousands and thousands of dollars to spend on a wedding budget, it is likely that a couple will feel the sting (and pressure) of hefty wedding expenses. Couples who end up having money problems throughout their union often see signs of trouble at the very beginning, during their wedding planning stages. One spouse may choose to spend a large sum on the reception, while the other would prefer to spend that amount on a down payment on a new home as newlyweds. Differing views on the wedding budget can cause a major rift in a marriage, especially if there is a lack of communication, or one spouse has a disregard for the other partner’s concerns.

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