While it is true that the effects of divorce vary from person to person and family to family, psychology experts reveal that certain circumstances, such as the environment created by a contentious divorce, can be particularly detrimental. This is especially true for children, and high levels of conflict between parents can affect their development. Having a positive co-parenting strategy in place as you move throughout the divorce process can make a big difference when it comes to your child’s mental health. However, for many couples, it is not always easy to enforce such a plan when the relationship is a contentious one.

Negative Effects of Divorce on Kids and What You Can Do to Help

It can be difficult for parents to face the reality of the negative impact of divorce on their kids, but the good news is that studies show that healthy co-parenting cannot only help your kids, but it can help you too. When parents attempt to collaborate peacefully during their divorce, this will lessen their child’s distress, and it can reduce stress for parents as well. Here are some major ways that a high-conflict divorce can impact your child and what you can do to ease the burden:

1. Unhealthy Coping Strategies - Many children of contentious divorces are more prone to anxiety disorders and depression, and these issues commonly lead to an array of unhealthy coping strategies, such as substance abuse. Unhealthy coping skills can continue to be a crutch when a child reaches adulthood, especially if your child is not familiar with healthy coping mechanisms. Experts tell us that even if the other parent is not making an effort to reduce conflict in the divorce, efforts by one parent are still helpful for the child. If you are unable to show your kids healthy ways to cope with their emotions during your divorce, you can provide other means of support for them, such as meeting regularly with a therapist.
2. Relationship Troubles - Children who witness high-conflict divorces often end up having strained relationships with both parents, and this can sometimes spill over into their other personal relationships, including those with friends or extended family members. Children may avoid social contact, lash out, or mimic their parents’ behavior, including displays of anger and frustration. Limiting how often you allow your child to be present when you interact with your spouse can be helpful, and encouraging your child to communicate with you about how they are feeling is also important. Finally, do not forget to show them your full attention, and be sure to listen when they want to talk.
3. Delays in Emotional Development - Pent up emotions, along with the trauma that can occur when children see their parents frequently arguing, can cause long-term difficulties with emotional development. These delayed adjustments may follow your child as they get older and affect their adult relationships as well. They may experience difficulty concentrating, academic problems, and intimacy issues, and they may have trouble adjusting to new relationships or maintaining healthy boundaries. To combat these issues and help your child adjust during divorce, avoid speaking poorly about the other parent in front of them, and do not make them feel as if they must pick a side. Avoid doing anything that puts them in the middle of conflict between parents, such as asking them to send messages to their other parent.

Contact Our St. Charles Divorce Attorneys

Being civil with your spouse while going through a divorce may feel impossible at times, but it is worth making the effort for everyone involved. If you are unable to communicate peacefully despite your best efforts, a knowledgeable Bloomingdale divorce attorney can offer the professional guidance and advice you need to move forward and ensure your rights are protected throughout the process. Speak with our dedicated team at Mevorah Law Offices LLC by calling 630-755-6426 and scheduling a free, personal consultation today.

Amid the coronavirus crisis and the many stay-at-home orders in effect across the country, families everywhere have been struggling with stress at home on unprecedented levels. Time magazine reports that other countries, such as China, have seen a major spike in divorce filings now that people are able to go out and about again, and in many places, domestic violence has been on the rise for those who are still stuck at home. This is all very grim news, but experts have pointed out some key observations about these troubling trends, and this may offer some insight and help for those currently struggling in their own marriages as the pandemic continues.

Factors Currently Contributing to Marriage and Family Stress at Home

The reported surge of divorce filings in China following recent stay-at-home orders suggests that couples who were already experiencing tension and potential separation likely felt an even greater strain once confined to the home together for an extended period of time. The same circumstances are undoubtedly arising right here in Illinois and across the United States. Experts highlight the fact that not only are families currently experiencing major financial stress due to job loss, they are also limited in living space and in alone time. This is especially true for those who share children and are now forced to manage and cope with the kids being home every day, around the clock. Additionally, there is anxiety circulating throughout the home about family members getting sick, when normal routines will resume, and a general sense of uncertainty about the future.

Divorce is often viewed as a tumultuous process, but this is not always the case. In fact, some couples still value their bond and prefer to end things peacefully. Others recognize that fighting increases the financial and emotional costs for everyone involved. In these situations, parties may opt to pursue alternative dispute resolution over a litigated divorce. However, this path may not be right for every couple, and litigation may be the only way to successfully finalize a divorce.

Mediation or Litigation?

If you are considering using mediation during your divorce, it is important to know that victims of any form of abuse (mental, physical, or financial) are generally encouraged to lean towards litigation instead, as it tends to offer greater protection throughout the divorce process. Litigation is also preferred when there is suspicion of hidden assets. However, contention or disputes between the parties do not mean that a couple cannot pursue alternative dispute resolution; if anything, this particular divorce path may offer some benefits for couples, as long as both parties are at willing to bring their concerns and disagreements to the table in a civil manner. Both parties are encouraged to work together and reach a compromise on sensitive matters, like the division of assets and the creation of a parenting plan. The goal is to make sure that each party walks away with at least some of what they want and a fair portion of what they deserve.

Points to Consider When Determining Whether Mediation Is the Right Solution for Your Divorce

You should ask yourself the following questions when trying to determine which path is best for you:

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) reports that one out of every two marriages ends in divorce. Married couples hear these kinds of statistics often, but the challenges for divorcing parents do not truly become a reality until their marriage becomes a part of this statistic. For parents experiencing a high-conflict divorce, these challenges can be detrimental to the whole family, especially to the children.

How to Help Your Children During Divorce

The very nature of divorce makes the process difficult for everyone involved. Even the most amicable, peaceful separations can dig up many mixed emotions for the family. Much like other losses in life, divorce grief usually unravels in layers over time. Just when you think you may be out of the woods and on the road to healing, a simple memory or argument can trigger an emotional setback. Children who witness episodes of high conflict between their parents during their separation tend to suffer the most, but there are steps parents can take to lessen these negative effects, including:

Whether you find yourself in the early stages of the divorce process, have just recently made the mutual decision with your spouse to end your marriage, or are in the middle of litigation proceedings, divorce-related stress can be all-consuming. The difficult decision to say goodbye to your marriage can quickly take a toll on you emotionally, mentally, and even physically. Familiarizing yourself with healthy, constructive coping skills is crucial to manage divorce stress and keep it from negatively affecting your health in both the short and long term.

Key Coping Skills for Managing Stress

Even couples who divorce amicably and civilly must work at balancing the emotional effects of such a big life change. Keep the following tips in mind to better cope with common divorce anxieties:

1. Put yourself first - Chances are, you have heard self-help experts stress the value and importance of self-care during times of major life changes, including divorce. These recommendations exist for a reason — they work. Mental health experts remind us that maintaining our routines as much as possible is actually a part of self-care, particularly when it comes to maintaining daily exercise, sleep patterns, or lunch dates with friends. Another way to make self-care a priority is to give yourself permission to take breaks, invest your time and energy in activities that bring you joy, and share your time with others, such as involving yourself in a volunteer effort.

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