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Mevorah & Giglio Law Offices
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DuPage County Attorneys

LOMBARD

900 E. Roosevelt Road, Lombard, IL 60148

Phone: 630-932-9100

BLOOMINGDALE

134 N. Bloomingdale Road, Bloomingdale, IL 60108

Phone: 630-529-4761

CHICAGO

105 W. Madison Street, Suite 2200, Chicago, IL 60602

Phone: 630-932-9100

NAPERVILLE

1730 Park Street, Suite 202, Naperville, IL 60563

Phone: 630-420-1000

ST. CHARLES

555 S Randall Rd, Suite 101, St. Charles, IL 60174

Phone: 630-410-9176
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DuPage County Family Law and Divorce AttorneyParental guilt is exceedingly common among parents who get divorced, as many moms and dads struggle to overcome the feelings of remorse as they worry whether the choices they have made are what is best their child. Unfortunately, parents who succumb to such guilt can contribute to the manifestation of behavioral issues in their child, perhaps to the point where the child feels the need to comfort the parent. As a result, children in this type of situation may suffer from maladjustment during their developmental years. Thankfully, with an understanding of why parental guilt should be put into perspective, you may be able to avoid these issues and help your child get through the divorce process. Here are some tips that can help protect your child from the effects of divorce-related guilt:

  • Be honest - Your kids can tell that you feel bad about the divorce, but voicing your emotions out loud can put them in a difficult position where they may feel the need to protect your feelings. You will want to be thoughtful about how you word things. Do not apologize for splitting up with your spouse when you know it is the best option for your family. Instead, apologize for the pain that it is causing your child. This approach lets them know that their hurt is your hurt, and it encourages them to accept the changes for what they are.

  • Learn to manage difficult emotions - Grief, anxiety, and depression can become addicting. As strange as that sounds, the truth is that when you spend a long time being upset, you can actually begin to feel guilt about potential happiness. That feeling is often intensified if your child is in pain. However, your child is more likely to move forward and heal if they see that you are starting to seem happy. Even if you feel guilty or sad about your divorce, it is important to find ways to enjoy your new life.

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DuPage County Amicable Divorce LawyerA study conducted by the National Survey of Family Growth reported that 48 percent of marriages dissolve by the 20-year milestone, and 20 percent of first marriages dissolve within five years after the wedding day. Although these kinds of statistics are grim, divorce does not have to be emotionally devastating. In fact, many couples manage to separate in a healthy way. If you and your spouse are seeking an amicable divorce, the following tips can help throughout the process:  

1. Focus on Communication and Collaboration

Many couples struggle throughout the divorce process, because they cannot put their emotions aside for an extended period of time. You have a better chance of avoiding this issue when you take a proactive approach. The best course of action is to be prepared for the inevitable waves of emotion that can surface from the situation. Whenever you are caught in the heat of the moment and feel the urge to lash out, or if you are resistant to suggestions made by your spouse because you want to “win” the case, remind yourself that fighting only delays the process for everyone. Collaboration and effective communication can help facilitate a smoother separation and can reduce the overall amount of time you spend in the legal process.

2. Safeguard the Interests of Your Children

If you share children with your spouse, it is important that you both work to protect their best interests. Stay involved in your children’s lives, give them time and space to express their emotions, and above all, never get in the way of their relationship with your ex-spouse. Your children need and deserve the love of both their parents, especially in the midst of a divorce.

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Bloomingdale high conflict divorce attorneyDespite the misconception that divorce is often a hastily-made decision, many couples will go to extreme lengths to avoid ending their marriage. They go to therapy, attend marriage counseling, or supplement their efforts with anger management or parenting classes. Unfortunately, despite these efforts, couples must sometimes come to terms with the fact that divorce is their best option. While each situation is unique, there are some common threads between couples who eventually do call it quits.

Painful Conflicts That Often Lead to Divorce

For many couples, efforts to resolve marital problems may ultimately prove futile. In marriages involving the following issues, couples may feel that it would be best for everyone involved to end the marriage and get divorced:

  • Abuse - When one spouse has inflicted physical, emotional, or financial harm on the other, this can be difficult to overcome in a marriage. Trust is broken, and the relationship may never recover. Even if an abusive spouse receives therapy or a couple works with a marriage counselor, it can be easy to fall back into old habits. In these cases, it can be difficult (if not outright impossible) to repair a relationship. Under these circumstances, divorce may be the most appropriate path to ensure the safety and well-being of all involved parties.

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Bloomingdale alternative dispute resolution attorneyJust as every relationship and marriage is unique, so too is every divorce. While some couples may choose to split amicably, with almost no signs of contention, others may struggle with hostility, arguments, and conflict. In some cases, people may be floored by the vengeful nature of their soon to be ex-spouse. Thankfully, there is a solution for every situation, and it is important to understand which divorce option may be best for you.

Mediation Versus Litigation

There are two basic ways to handle a divorce: mediation or litigation. Mediation (a common form of alternative dispute resolution) is a process in which the parties attempt to come to an agreement regarding the details of their divorce. A third-party mediator will work as a non-biased facilitator who will not make decisions for the spouses, but who will guide them toward reaching a compromise on any outstanding legal issues they need to address. While a mediator may help the parties understand how the law applies to their situation, they will typically not offer legal advice. For this reason, even when using mediation, you should hire your own divorce attorney who can explain your rights and ensure that your divorce settlement will meet your needs.

Litigation is the more “traditional” divorce route, as it involves the parties going to court and pleading their case before a judge. Both sides will have a chance to argue for why their wishes should be followed regarding issues such as property division or child custody. The judge will then make a ruling, determining how to resolve financial issues in a fair and equitable manner and deciding child-related issues based on what is in children's best interests. Whatever the decision may be, each party must abide by the ruling. Either party may file an appeal if they believe that errors were made during the divorce trial that resulted in an unjust judgment.

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Lombard, IL family law attorney for divorced parentsInforming your children of your impending divorce is likely one of the most difficult tasks you will face as you make the transition from married to single parent. Since the divorce process is unique to each family, there is only so much you can control as you navigate this difficult journey. No one knows your children or understands the bond you share as a family better than you. Delivering the news is never easy, but according to psychology experts, a premeditated conversation can create the opportunity for a smoother, less stressful experience for everyone involved.

Set the Stage 

Psychologists emphasize that learning of their parents’ divorce is something that a child will always remember. How you handle the conversation can have a lasting impact on your children’s perception of their long-term family life, and it can also affect how they take the news in the immediate, short term. You will likely want to approach this matter with delicacy, but you can also use the conversation as a chance to reassure your children that you will always be there for them and let them know about some positive changes they may be experiencing.

Tips for Discussing Divorce With Children

Being open and honest with your children while discussing your divorce in an age-appropriate manner can help the conversation proceed more smoothly. The following tips can help ensure that your children will understand what to expect as you go through the divorce process:

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Whether you are going through a divorce, injured in an accident, need to file a workers' compensation claim, charged with a crime, immigrating to the United States, or need to file for bankruptcy, Mevorah & Giglio Law Offices can help. Our trial lawyers have over 40 years of experience helping clients throughout Northern Illinois from five offices in Lombard, Bloomindale, Naperville, St. Charles, and Chicago.

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