When considering divorce, people are often concerned about two main points: the disruption that they and their children will experience in their lives and how much the divorce will cost. While one cannot overlook or discount the emotional pain that comes with the end of a marriage, financial issues can also be an important components of a divorce case. The costs involved in a divorce can vary significantly depending on the situation and the couple involved. Many circumstances, such as difficulties with the division of assets, can increase the overall cost of a divorce. Contentious divorces typically cost more than amicable ones. In short, couples who are concerned about the cost of divorce are encouraged to look for ways and opportunities to minimize their expenses.

Litigation Versus Negotiation

One of the biggest factors that can be controlled in a divorce is the choice to resolve issues as amicably as possible. Divorces that are litigated in the courtroom tend to be more costly than those that are negotiated, but even a mediated divorce can become quite pricey - especially if the negotiation process does not work out. However, in most cases, couples can reduce the costs of divorce by negotiating a settlement outside of the courtroom.

Dividing Marital Assets

During divorce, spouses must divide their assets and belongings according to what is considered “fair and equitable.” Of course, the idea of what is fair can be subjective. What one spouse might consider equitable may seem disproportionate to another - particularly if one spouse chose to stay home to care for the couple's children or suffered from health-related issues that kept them out of the workplace. This is just one example of why it is important to have an attorney who can protect your interests in the division of marital assets.

Parental guilt is exceedingly common among parents who get divorced, as many moms and dads struggle to overcome the feelings of remorse as they worry whether the choices they have made are what is best their child. Unfortunately, parents who succumb to such guilt can contribute to the manifestation of behavioral issues in their child, perhaps to the point where the child feels the need to comfort the parent. As a result, children in this type of situation may suffer from maladjustment during their developmental years. Thankfully, with an understanding of why parental guilt should be put into perspective, you may be able to avoid these issues and help your child get through the divorce process. Here are some tips that can help protect your child from the effects of divorce-related guilt:

• Be honest - Your kids can tell that you feel bad about the divorce, but voicing your emotions out loud can put them in a difficult position where they may feel the need to protect your feelings. You will want to be thoughtful about how you word things. Do not apologize for splitting up with your spouse when you know it is the best option for your family. Instead, apologize for the pain that it is causing your child. This approach lets them know that their hurt is your hurt, and it encourages them to accept the changes for what they are.

• Learn to manage difficult emotions - Grief, anxiety, and depression can become addicting. As strange as that sounds, the truth is that when you spend a long time being upset, you can actually begin to feel guilt about potential happiness. That feeling is often intensified if your child is in pain. However, your child is more likely to move forward and heal if they see that you are starting to seem happy. Even if you feel guilty or sad about your divorce, it is important to find ways to enjoy your new life.

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A study conducted by the National Survey of Family Growth reported that 48 percent of marriages dissolve by the 20-year milestone, and 20 percent of first marriages dissolve within five years after the wedding day. Although these kinds of statistics are grim, divorce does not have to be emotionally devastating. In fact, many couples manage to separate in a healthy way. If you and your spouse are seeking an amicable divorce, the following tips can help throughout the process:  

1. Focus on Communication and Collaboration

Many couples struggle throughout the divorce process, because they cannot put their emotions aside for an extended period of time. You have a better chance of avoiding this issue when you take a proactive approach. The best course of action is to be prepared for the inevitable waves of emotion that can surface from the situation. Whenever you are caught in the heat of the moment and feel the urge to lash out, or if you are resistant to suggestions made by your spouse because you want to “win” the case, remind yourself that fighting only delays the process for everyone. Collaboration and effective communication can help facilitate a smoother separation and can reduce the overall amount of time you spend in the legal process.

2. Safeguard the Interests of Your Children

If you share children with your spouse, it is important that you both work to protect their best interests. Stay involved in your children’s lives, give them time and space to express their emotions, and above all, never get in the way of their relationship with your ex-spouse. Your children need and deserve the love of both their parents, especially in the midst of a divorce.

Despite the misconception that divorce is often a hastily-made decision, many couples will go to extreme lengths to avoid ending their marriage. They go to therapy, attend marriage counseling, or supplement their efforts with anger management or parenting classes. Unfortunately, despite these efforts, couples must sometimes come to terms with the fact that divorce is their best option. While each situation is unique, there are some common threads between couples who eventually do call it quits.

Painful Conflicts That Often Lead to Divorce

For many couples, efforts to resolve marital problems may ultimately prove futile. In marriages involving the following issues, couples may feel that it would be best for everyone involved to end the marriage and get divorced:

• Abuse - When one spouse has inflicted physical, emotional, or financial harm on the other, this can be difficult to overcome in a marriage. Trust is broken, and the relationship may never recover. Even if an abusive spouse receives therapy or a couple works with a marriage counselor, it can be easy to fall back into old habits. In these cases, it can be difficult (if not outright impossible) to repair a relationship. Under these circumstances, divorce may be the most appropriate path to ensure the safety and well-being of all involved parties.

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Just as every relationship and marriage is unique, so too is every divorce. While some couples may choose to split amicably, with almost no signs of contention, others may struggle with hostility, arguments, and conflict. In some cases, people may be floored by the vengeful nature of their soon to be ex-spouse. Thankfully, there is a solution for every situation, and it is important to understand which divorce option may be best for you.

Mediation Versus Litigation

There are two basic ways to handle a divorce: mediation or litigation. Mediation (a common form of alternative dispute resolution) is a process in which the parties attempt to come to an agreement regarding the details of their divorce. A third-party mediator will work as a non-biased facilitator who will not make decisions for the spouses, but who will guide them toward reaching a compromise on any outstanding legal issues they need to address. While a mediator may help the parties understand how the law applies to their situation, they will typically not offer legal advice. For this reason, even when using mediation, you should hire your own divorce attorney who can explain your rights and ensure that your divorce settlement will meet your needs.

Litigation is the more “traditional” divorce route, as it involves the parties going to court and pleading their case before a judge. Both sides will have a chance to argue for why their wishes should be followed regarding issues such as property division or child custody. The judge will then make a ruling, determining how to resolve financial issues in a fair and equitable manner and deciding child-related issues based on what is in children's best interests. Whatever the decision may be, each party must abide by the ruling. Either party may file an appeal if they believe that errors were made during the divorce trial that resulted in an unjust judgment.